DEAR FELLOW AL-ANON MEMBERS:
Starting in November 2022, the World Service Organization (WSO) is providing content to Al-Anon Areas that will be suitable for posting on Area Al-Anon websites and including in either print or digital newsletters for the upcoming month. What better way to share this information with our Michigan members than adding this under our Literature Spotlight section!
The content will consist of the following:
The Step before the Steps
I have been in and out of Al‑Anon for at least the last 20 years. My pattern was this: A crisis would arise with one of the alcoholics in my life, and I would show up at a meeting hoping to find new tactics for dealing with the alcoholic’s problems. Once the crisis settled down, I would find excuses not to go back, and the cycle would start all over.
I guess I must have missed what some members call Step Zero: “Keep Coming Back.”
For whatever reason, this time feels different. I finally realize that the program is designed to help me change mybehaviors, my reactions, and my responses. Period. Maybe my Higher Power has finally given me “the wisdom to know the difference” between what is under my scope of control and what isn’t. But one thing is for sure: I can see that my definition of “love” came with a lot of strings and conditions.
The alcoholic I’m primarily concerned about at this point in my life is my adult daughter. I have spent the bulk of her adult life pleading, threatening, and manipulating her to try to get her to listen and adhere to the solutions I had for her life. And being stuck in this cycle of interaction has left me feeling suspicious of whatever she tells me, and left her feeling less than, due to my speeches about how she could straighten out her life by following my road map.
Now, I am trying to detach with love. I have for so long confused enabling with love. I see how this program can help me take a cold, hard look at my own behaviors and intentions, but I now realize it starts with Step Zero. I’ve got to “Keep Coming Back.”
By Leah K., North Carolina
Feel free to reprint this article on your service arm website or newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al‑Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.
The First Step Was the Hardest
For me, Step One was the hardest of the Twelve Steps. Step One says, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.” I thought I was in control, and I didn’t want to admit my life was unmanageable. I thought I could fix my husband’s disease; I was just missing a piece of the puzzle. I heard about Al‑Anon and decided to go to a meeting to get some insight on how to go about fixing him.
I thought I had tried everything. I poured every last ounce of my love into him, did everything for him, and tried to make everything perfect and easy for him. Heck, I even tried threatening him, screaming at him, and then punishing him with my silence. None of that worked. It’s torture watching someone you love continue to drink and become ever sicker in their addiction. I felt like I was watching him die. What I didn’t realize was just how sick I had become.
After the first meeting, I realized that no one was going to be able to help me fix my husband. No one could fix me either, but I decided that I could at least try to fix myself. I just didn’t know how to give up control. Every morning I would wake up and read Al‑Anon literature and try my best to work the Steps.
After many months of meetings, I had a moment of clarity: If I had ever really had control, how could my husband have developed this disease? And if my life was as manageable as I claimed it was, why was my day full of anxiety and worry about him? It was all an illusion; I had never had control. I felt such a shift that morning. My body felt lighter. I no longer feel the need to control everything… And when I do, I go back to Step One.
By Tracy C., New Brunswick
Feel free to reprint this article on your service arm website or newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al‑Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.
Recovery Is Possible
It wasn’t easy learning to take care of myself when I first started attending Al‑Anon meetings. Many tears were shed in the beginning. I was mentally and physically weak, and at times I didn’t think a better life was possible. I just wanted to give up, to not exist any longer.
But Al‑Anon was a big factor in my work to better myself. I attended meetings for four months before I openly shared. Scared and shaking, I broke out and spoke, and that began to occur more and more often. I got a Sponsor, which was the biggest thing that helped me get better, learn to detach with love, and start rebuilding my life. My Sponsor has been there, no matter what time of day, and has been loving, genuine, honest, caring, and nonjudgmental.
I do service in my group but have also had to learn not to over-commit. It’s okay to say no and not feel guilty. I continue to help encourage new attendees and show them that recovery is possible. It requires an open, willing heart and mind and a lot of patience. “God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
By Jeffrey C., Florida
Feel free to reprint this article on your service arm website or newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al‑Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.
New Topic for the Member Blog
September’s topic is, “How do you practice the Al-Anon Declaration, ‘Let It Begin with Me’?”
As always, you can also write about Al-Anon’s three Legacies: This month features Step Nine, Tradition Nine, and Concept Nine.
Please share with us at al-anon.org/member-blog
Sharings on the Member Blog may be used in future Al-Anon publications.
New topics are being added each month!
You may explore Al-Anon's Conference Approved Literature (CAL) at the World Service Office (WSO) website and/or order CAL from a Literature Distribution Center (LDC) such as those listed below.
Detroit Metro Literature Distribution Center
(313) 242-0300
Lansing Area (Central Michigan)
(517) 484-1977
Oakland Literature Distribution Center
(248) 706-1020
Michigan Thumb Area
(989) 912-5478
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