DEAR FELLOW AL-ANON MEMBERS:
Starting in November, the WSO is providing content to Areas that will be suitable for posting on Area websites and including in either print or digital newsletters for the upcoming month. What better way to share this information with our Michigan members than adding this under our Literature Spotlight section!
The content will consist of the following:
I Do Belong in Al‑Anon
“I didn’t need to look outside myself for justification.”
All my life, I’ve struggled to feel that I belong. As the only girl, I felt distinctly different from my three brothers. As a “feeler” in a family of “thinkers,” I felt alienated. Coming out as a lesbian in my twenties did nothing to mitigate my feelings of being “other.”
So, it’s no surprise that it literally took me years of attending meetings to feel like I truly belonged in Al‑Anon. And it had nothing to do with being a lesbian. I felt like I didn’t belong in Al‑Anon because I hadn’t grown up with alcoholism, I’d never been romantically involved with an alcoholic, and there was no alcoholism in my family.
Tradition Three says, “The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend.” I had friends who were recovering alcoholics, so I used them to “justify” my attendance at meetings. No one ever challenged my right to be at a meeting, yet I felt like a fraud.
Still, I kept coming back. I knew that Al‑Anon was helping me. I knew it gave me tools to deal with my coworker whose erratic behavior reflected that of her alcoholic mother. I came to see that my two long-term partners, both adult daughters of alcoholics, had been affected by the alcoholic system they’d grown up in. And that, in turn, I was, too.
And then, when I’d been in the program about 15 years, my adult son came to me for help with his drinking problem. He told me he was an alcoholic. I hadn’t known anything about the extent of his drinking nor the devastation it was causing in his life. But he knew that I knew something about alcoholism. And he knew he was safe coming to me for help. I was immensely grateful to Al‑Anon for that.
So, then I did have a “legitimate” reason to be in Al‑Anon. However, I no longer needed that legitimization. Somewhere along the way, I’d come to believe that I belonged in Al‑Anon. I’d realized I didn’t need to look outside myself for justification. I knew that the Al‑Anon program gave me steps and tools to stay sane in relationships with the potential for insanity. I had learned that I truly belonged.
By Patricia B.[T1]
Feel free to reprint this article on your service arm website or newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.
[T1]The original sharing did not list the state.
I Tried Everything
“I felt serenity and peace for the first time.”
As I reflect on my early days of recovery, I realize how thankful I am for Al‑Anon. I did what many other members did with their alcoholics—emptied out liquor bottles, yelled, screamed, cried, and begged him to stop drinking. I spent many sleepless nights wondering who was going to find out about my problems or worried he was going to kill someone while driving drunk. I was afraid to go shopping or travel with friends for fear something would happen while I was gone. I tried daily to reason with him, but to no avail. The lies he told were hurtful, and yet he had a way of convincing me he could or would stop: “Just one more chance, pleeeeease,” he would beg.
One day, after several months in Al‑Anon, I was sitting on my porch and realized I could hear the birds singing and children laughing. I felt serenity and peace for the first time in my life. I finally realized there was nothing I could do to make him stop drinking. I am blessed to have Al‑Anon in my life, and I will “Keep Coming Back.”
By Mary S.
Feel free to reprint this article on your service arm website or newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.
“Do You Love Me Today?”
“I learned to start taking care of myself and loving myself.”
Growing up in an alcoholic home, I lived amidst instability and insecurity daily. Unlike children who grew up being told they were loved “to the moon and back,” or “this much” by someone with arms spread wide, I would ask my mother, “Do you love me today?” only to be answered with a shrug of her shoulders and, “Eh, same as usual.” She died when I was 15, and I never got a different answer.
When my son’s drinking grew out of control, I retaliated with all the fury that had gone unexpressed in my childhood. I lectured, punished, and bargained with God. I searched my son’s room; snooped in his drawers, closet, and car; rifled his pockets; tested him; and tried to smell his breath when he came close. I cajoled, belittled, and threatened. He lied, stole, and retreated to his room. He was angry and shut me out completely. It seemed I’d lost him. Only when I realized I was losing myself did things begin to change.
In Al‑Anon, I learned to start taking care of myself and loving myself. Progress was slow at first because I thought I was unlovable. I felt like a failed daughter and mother. But as I became more aware of how my behaviors transferred my pain to my son, I began to change, to pull back and let him have the dignity and self-determination he is entitled to.
Recently, my son told me he’d tried heroin several months ago. He waited for my response. I waited for my Higher Power. Instead of being angry or upset or hurt, I looked into his eyes and saw my little boy, my son. I heard myself say, “Thank you for sharing that. Thank you for trusting me. I love you; I always have, and I always will.”
Before Al‑Anon, I never would have been able to hear that what he was really saying was, “Do you love me today?”
By Deirdre B., New York
Feel free to reprint this article on your service arm website or newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.
New Topic for the Member Blog
November’s topic is, “What Al-Anon tools do you use to help bring you back to a place of gratitude?”
As always, you can also write about Al-Anon’s three Legacies. This month features Step Eleven, Tradition Eleven, and Concept Eleven.
Please share with us at al-anon.org/member-blog
Sharings on the Member Blog may be used in future Al-Anon publications.
New topics are being added each month!
You may explore Al-Anon's Conference Approved Literature (CAL) at the World Service Office (WSO) website and/or order CAL from a Literature Distribution Center (LDC) such as those listed below.
Detroit Metro Literature Distribution Center
(313) 242-0300
Lansing Area (Central Michigan)
(517) 484-1977
Oakland Literature Distribution Center
(248) 706-1020
Michigan Thumb Area
(989) 912-5478
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