Michigan Al-Anon Newsletter Page

 My Group Isn’t Following “the Rules!”

My skills in navigating conflict were nearly nonexistent when I arrived in Al-Anon. My

options were all or nothing—either fight my way through in a desperate effort to be

recognized as being right, or walk away in silence, feeling small. I was awestruck to learn in

Al-Anon that I had other choices. I could ask questions instead of making assumptions,

and I could even discern which conversations I should participate in.

When my children were young, they would get into squabbles about anything and

everything—what show to watch on television, how loud the volume should be, which seat

should be occupied by whom. By this time, I had been attending Al-Anon for a few

years, so I would overhear the commotion without stepping in to resolve their disputes. In

frustration, they’d cry to me, “Why aren’t you helping?” I’d quietly explain that I was

allowing them to find their way through the conflict. While that wasn’t the answer they

were hoping for, it provided them with choices about how to handle the situation.

These children were affected by the family disease of alcoholism. Since they were too

young for Alateen at the time, the only recovery I could offer them was my example. I made

the conscious choice to engage in recovery instead of reacting to the family disease that

we all lived with. The tools I offered them included pausing to gain an understanding of the

truth of the matter, determining if they were contributing to the conflict, taking

turns speaking instead of yelling at each other, and recognizing the right to disagree and

make alternate choices. Now, as adults, my children have some conflict resolution tools to

help them navigate various situations.

The Group Services department at the World Service Office (WSO) regularly receives calls

from members asking the WSO to step in to resolve group issues. Some members become

frustrated when they learn that the role of the WSO is to help interpret Al-

Anon's policies (as found in the “Digest of Al-Anon and Alateen Policies” section of

the current Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual [P-24/27]) and to encourage groups

to apply Al-Anon’s Legacies and spiritual principles to resolve group issues. The Group

Services team also offers resources to help carry out the will of the World

Service Conference and guidelines based on shared experiences from members, groups,

and links of service. They share a wealth of experience, strength, and hope via

many communication methods.

When I share with members the paths available to resolve conflicts, I’m reminded of

the lessons my children and I learned. We are all here in Al-Anon because we’ve been

affected by the family disease of alcoholism, and the disease can rear its head when we

least expect it. The tools of understanding, information, and choices empower us to

restore health and harmony when conflicts occur. Members may wish to hear, “Thank you

for contacting the WSO; we’ll take care of it right away.” But that would take away the

groups’ opportunity to “practice these principles.” When members have access

to these resources, they can share them with their groups, helping to convey a clear and

consistent message of the help and hope Al-Anon Family Groups provide.

Attending a meeting filled with dominance, outside affiliations, and/or various dilutions of

Al-Anon's message can be frustrating. It can be easy to walk away with judgment, hoping

someone else will come along to “take care of it.” However, our goal is for every newcomer who is in despair to arrive at their first meeting and find the help and hope we have been so privileged to enjoy. I believe it is important for me and every member to do our part to help keep our groups healthy so that we can continue to offer that support. To achieve this, I ask myself: What resources can I use to help inform my group? How can I encourage my fellow members to talk to each other and reason things out together?

By Christa A., Group Services & Alateen Coordinator

Reprinted with permission of Al‑Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.

 Let Recovery Begin with Me

Before I came into Al-Anon, I thought that my fate was entirely connected to that of my

alcoholic loved one. I thought that when my loved one got sober, our family problems

would go away. I felt helpless waiting for that to happen.

Desperate for change, I went to Al-Anon. I learned that alcoholism is a family disease, and I

adopted the slogan, “Let It Begin with Me.” For me, “It” represents recovery. Let recovery

begin with me.

I can be the one to bring recovery into my home and family. I can be the one to attend my

meetings regularly. I can be the one to “Listen and Learn.” I can be the one to get a Sponsor

and work the Twelve Steps of recovery. I can be the one to practice these principles in all

my affairs. I no longer have to wait for anyone else. As I continue to become healthier

working my recovery program, I bring that healthier “me” to every “we” I am part of.

Let recovery begin with me.

By Susan O., Florida

Reprinted with permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.